Lessons from Camp HOPE: Trauma-Informed Techniques to Help Kids Regulate, Problem-Solve, and Adapt

After spending a week serving at Camp HOPE, a camp for children who are survivors of domestic violence, I came home with more than memories. I came back with a toolkit. These are not “theory-only” practices. They are hands-on, trauma-informed techniques that I used every day with kids who have faced significant adversity and whose behaviors often reflect a nervous system in survival mode.

What I learned is that connection first, regulation second, and redirection third is the most effective path forward. Below are some of the strategies that helped me help these kids and can help caregivers, parents, or professionals working with children heal, grow, and thrive.

The “Controlled Crashout”: Creating Safe Space for Big Emotions

“Crash out/Crashing out” is the kids way of describing an emotional storm, from a tantrum to aggressive outbursts to total emotional shutdown. At Camp HOPE, I learned how to turn a “crash out” into a controlled crash out: a planned, safe outlet for a child to release emotions without harm or shame.

Here’s how I guide it:

1. Talk first. Before we act, I ask open-ended questions: What happened to get us here? How are we feeling, emotionally and physically?

2. Identify safe outlets. Together we decide what the “crash out” will look like. Maybe it is throwing an imaginary baseball, running, yelling into a pillow, or even ripping up a bracelet they were frustrated with.

3. Set boundaries. I am clear. No one gets hurt, nothing important is damaged, and we agree on aftercare such as deep breathing and a return to calm.

4. Collaborate and empower. The child chooses from safe options. This keeps them engaged and teaches self-regulation skills.

   
   

This method draws from Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) (Research) (Resources), the Attachment, Regulation, Competency (ARC) framework (Research/Resource), and somatic regulation strategies (Activities) used in occupational therapy and Polyvagal-informed care. It also echoes Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) model, working with the child, not against them.

Making Breathing Engaging: Archery, Darts, and Dragons

Traditional breathing techniques such as hand-on-belly, finger tracing, or box breathing work for some kids, but others roll their eyes or lose focus. So I tapped into my old band practice and adapted breath work into something playful and physical:

• Archery Breathing: Pretend to grab an arrow, load the bow, inhale deeply through the nose as you pull back, and exhale steadily through the mouth, “sending” the arrow flying.

• Dart Breathing: Quick inhale, quick exhale, paired with a pretend dart throw, repeated in sets of four with breaks.

• Dragon Breath: Inhale from belly to chest while arms raise toward the sky. Hold. Then forcefully “sigh” the air out as arms sweep down. No screaming, just a full-body exhale.

These techniques combine somatic regulation, play therapy principles, and co-regulation. They keep kids present, reduce dissociation, and make calming down feel like a game rather than a chore. (Breathwork for Healing Trauma Background)

The Blue Sky Metaphor: Building Confidence Against Bullying

Bullying and teasing hit kids with trauma harder. They already fight internal battles with shame and defensiveness. To help, I use what I call the “Blue Sky” metaphor.

I ask, “What color is the sky?” When they say “blue,” I insist it is purple until they push back. Then I connect the dots: Just like the sky, some people will say things about you that are not true. It is not your job to convince them. It is your job to know your truth and not let it shake you.

From there, we role-play responses:

• “I do not care, I am walking away.”

• “I do not agree with you. I know who I am.”

• Or knowing when to find an adult for support.

This approach blends Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Social-Emotional Learning, and trauma-informed preparation so kids can respond without escalating or internalizing negativity.

The Invisible Backpack: Understanding Behavior (Theirs and Others’)

Kids love to ask, “Why is that person so mean?” in response I introduced the Invisible Backpack.

Everyone carries a backpack filled with weights such as hunger, exhaustion, stress, or sadness (Or even Trauma). We cannot see it, but it affects how we act. I show this physically by loading up my actual backpack (book equals hunger, jacket equals heat, water bottle equals lack of sleep) until I topple over, and ask: “Could you run a mile like this without getting upset?”

Then we explore ways to “lighten the load”:

• Talking it out (sharing the weight).

• Physical release (a controlled crashout).

• Self-care (food, rest, water).

By asking, “How heavy is your backpack (in pounds)?” we open the door for kids to communicate needs and advocate for help before a meltdown hits. This method combines psychoeducation, mind-body awareness, and co-regulation, giving children language to understand both themselves and others.

Scaling Feelings: The 1–5 Check-In

Instead of asking “How are you?” (which gets a default “fine”), I ask, “How are you feeling, 1–5?” The number sparks conversation: “Why a 2? What would help move it to a 3?” If they do not know, I offer ideas but never force. If a request is unrealistic (“Make that other person stop talking”), I redirect gently: “We cannot control others, but we can control ourselves. What else could help?”

This draws from Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), encouraging self-reflection, choice, and empowerment without pressure.

Burnt Toast Theory: Rolling with Life’s Disruptions

Sometimes the last two pieces of white bread burn. Sometimes rain cancels the one activity a child was most excited for. For traumatized kids, these small frustrations can feel world-ending because their nervous systems are already primed for stress. Rather than dismiss their feelings, I use a trauma-informed approach: first validating (“Yes, burnt toast sucks”), then reframing through a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy lens (“Maybe this happened to make room for something better. Let’s see what’s next”).

Over time, “burnt toast” became our shared shorthand for rolling with unexpected changes with a quick, light reminder to shift from meltdown toward acceptance. This simple, repeatable strategy draws on validation, cognitive reframing, and resilience-building, helping kids regulate emotions and develop flexibility in a way that feels safe, even playful.

The “Oh Well” Shrug: Letting Go Through the Body

When something is out of our control, I guide kids through a physical shrug release. Shoulders to ears, arms bent and palms up, biceps tense. Hold the tension. Say “oh well” out loud. Then drop everything and exhale.

It is a simple mix of somatic release and cognitive reframing, helping kids literally and figuratively release frustration while normalizing the practice of moving on. (Background)

Why These Techniques Work

Every one of these tools is rooted in trauma-informed care and reflects SAMHSA’s core principles:

• Safety – Emotional and physical safety comes first.

• Trust and Transparency – Boundaries and expectations are always clear.

• Collaboration and Choice – Kids have agency in their coping strategies.

• Empowerment – Each technique builds self-awareness, confidence, and flexibility.

They also blend evidence-based frameworks including TBRI, ARC, Polyvagal-informed practices, CBT, SEL, MI, and SFBT into something kids can actually use, not just talk about.

Application of Success

I knew these teachings were a success not just because the campers used them with me during practice and began reintegrating into normalcy afterward, but because they turned around and used them on me. When they saw me crying from the flood of emotions (even though they were positive ones) they swooped in to help. Some held up their hands and guided me through deep breaths. Others asked if I needed a “controlled crash out.” These kids, many of whom have survived so much, are some of the most empathetic and resilient people I’ve ever met. I’m beyond grateful to be part of their healing journey and to have them be part of mine.

Camp HOPE was one of the most fulfilling, challenging, and eye-opening experiences I have had in my social work training. These kids taught me as much as I taught them. What I am taking forward is this: children do not need us to “fix” their behaviors; they need us to understand their nervous systems, validate their realities, and give them tools to survive and thrive. Sometimes that is a baseball or a pillow. Sometimes it is an imaginary dragon. Sometimes it is just saying, “Burnt toast,” shrugging it off, and moving on.